I get asked the question nearly every day: “Four girls, how did you survive?”
And I have some wise-crack answers, all pre-made usually, like “I didn’t—I’m Debby’s second husband” or “Look at my face—my real age is 45!”.
The truth is that I was destined to be surrounded by women.
The numbers tell the story:
I was raised by my mom, older sister, and grandmother—that’s 3
I live with my wife and four daughters—that’s 5
And I work with 10. That’s…OK I already said that!
That’s 3, 5, and 10. The magic numbers in my universe.
Of course the BIG question I get from guys, is “What do women REALLY want?”
My answer? Exactly what they say they want! And it is best to listen and just do whatever that is.
Thus endeth the lesson.
All right, for those guys who are not listening (God help your souls!) I’ll lay it out for you:
1) Flowers—at least once a week
2) Diamonds—gold and silver jewelry are also acceptable!
3) Chocolate! Double, Triple, Quadruple (!) layered chocolate inside chocolate—injected with molten chocolate!
That’s what they say—and that IS what they want!
They do accept the other option: your everlasting devotion, adoration, and belief that they are the most beautiful, glamorous, sensitive, kind, funny, and powerful woman alive!
My Advice? Be safe—just do it all!
All right, that about covers it guys, but since I am considered to be THE expert on women, I’ll pass on the actual results of a national survey done on 15,000 women (true story here). The question was, “What do you really want—in a man?”
Listen up boys because this is golden. The top three answers were:
1) Has Self Confidence
2) Listens to and understands me
3) Has a good sense of humor
Got it? That’s pretty simple. So, just smirk like George Clooney, Dork-channel Castle, and riff some stand-up like Jeff Foxworthy!!
Or, you can just cave-in to the girly-girlness of it all and go with the flow (sorry, absolutely terrible unintended pun!).
Here’s what I mean by that:
1) I use the word “adorable” all the time—it even feels natural! Try it—you’ll get used to it soon enough!
2) I read chick book authors like Sharon Shinn, Danielle Steele and James Patterson. The heroines are all beautiful, intelligent, sensitive women who bring powerful, proud, thinking-they-are-intelligent men to their knees (“You may rise now!”).
3) I confess and beg manly forgiveness here, but I do get a weekly massage and facial! (That’s it, though the girls are already insisting I try a pedicure!) Next thing you know I’ll have long pink acrylic nails! (Hmmm..maybe next October!)
4) I drink light, sweet white wines
5) I hug a lot and say, “Love You!” (Please go with me on this next time we meet—sorry if I embarrass anyone!)
6) My favorite meal? Salad and fresh-broiled salmon in olive oil!
7) Favorite Dessert—anything chocolate!
8) Favorite form of exercise—Zumba!! (OK, that one’s a joke)
9) I drink foo-foo sweet, hazel-nut flavored instant coffee
10) I sleep with my daughter Daina’s cat draped over my head (yes—it’s a girl! [Belle!])
And speaking of pets, I’ve noticed how pervasive this female universe had gotten when I did a gender count of our pets and matched this to where they lived—inside or outside.
Final Count: Four Girl Dogs—all inside
Four Female Felines—all inside
Three boy dogs—all OUTside!!!!
The lesson is clear to me: “Be Grateful—You’re the only one we let inside!
(Disclaimer: there is one female who does live outside. However I am quite sure that if the women could figure out a way to fit a 2000 pound horse in the family room, that way the poor equine wouldn’t have to suffer the cold cruelties of a Southern California winter!!).
So there you have it guys. All the wisdom you need to “coexist” with the female universe. Listen up now, Mel Gibson didn’t have a clue! Just follow these rules and you’ll be in just like me—now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna head on outside with the boys in the dog-garage!
Love and kisses,